it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My penis needs a shock collar
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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