I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
