You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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