I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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