I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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