Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just cropdusted the office
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
