dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
