if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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