Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
