I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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