Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
handjob tips. give me some.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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