worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
