I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
