you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
