just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
