Me too!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
