Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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