Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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