Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
