oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
