i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
