Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
