3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
