I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
