after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
