Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
