She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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