Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
