New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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