That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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