So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
