I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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