He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
