Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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