I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
