I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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