Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
