you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
