My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
