perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
