I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The beer is more important than you right now.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
