i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
