is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
