It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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