I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My penis needs a shock collar
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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