you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
