I smell stomach acid.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
