just tell him i said nine months
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize