im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
