The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
