Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
