Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
