Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
