im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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