Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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