my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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