eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
did i walk over a car last night?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
