im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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