let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
