DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
