Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
