As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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