i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
