I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
