I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
