it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Found the puke drawer
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
