Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
