Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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