I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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