I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
