Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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