I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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