My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
