does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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