My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
