Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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