i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
