Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize