Yo dont text me then not text me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
