Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
