if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
