So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
