I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
