You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
