you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
